[Editor's note: O.K., this is embarrassing to have to admit, but faithful Tracker readers responded almost immediately to let me know that the National Report is a parody site. It's a measure of my cynicism, I suppose, that I took the darn thing seriously. And just to show I'm too big a person to try to bury my shame, I'm going to leave this post up. I hope you enjoy it.–PR]
Feeling a little chilly today? That's not surprising.
And here's why: Solar energy panels around the world are sucking energy out of the sun, "possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming."
This "news" comes from the "National Report," which describes itself as "America's #1 independent news team" and features head shots of Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin on its home page.
The discovery of the solar-power drain on the sun "is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement," the National Report writes in an unbylined story.
The story is incredible, isn't it? Those shiny solar panels look so harmless!
But scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology in Cheyenne say otherwise. Here's the explanation, from the institute:
“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday. “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water. But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner. Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”
The study, the National Report writes, "was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation."
This morning, as I'm writing this, the solar-suck story is splashed across the top of the National Report's home page. So you might think the nation's "#1 independent news team" is putting its credibility solidly behind this report.
But no. It isn't. Here's what you'll find at the bottom of the National Report's home page:
*DISCLAIMER: The views expressed by writers on this site are theirs alone and are not reflective of the fine journalistic and editorial integrity of National Report. Advice given is NOT to be construed as professional. If you are in need of professional help, please consult a professional. National Report is not intended for children under the age of 18.
That's the one line on this page that I think I agree with: If you are in need of professional help, consult a professional. I don't think the National Report would be offering this advice in boilerplate unless a lot of its readers are in need of professional help.
And what's this? Not suitable for children under 18? Now you tell me!
Hey, kids: Get outa here!