The other day I was watching CBS Sunday Morning with my (almost) five-year-old, delighted that he was willing to click away from Cartoon Network for a few minutes to watch the news. We hadn’t been watching five minutes when Charles Osgood introduced a segment on pole dancing. I dove for the clicker as we watched a sinewy blonde corkscrew down a silver pole for several agonizing seconds before the cable box lurched back to Quick Draw McGraw. Henry didn’t ask what that was, or why I’d changed the channel. And I didn’t volunteer an explanation.
We’ve had similar experiences while watching the Science Channel’s How It’s Made, one of Henry’s favorite shows. (Henry knows what’s at the center of a bowling ball. Do you?) Interesting shows about the manufacture of bowling balls, surfboards, and grandfather clocks (more accurately known as longcase clocks, we learned) were frequently interrupted by commercials for violent, late-night fare–leaving me cringing, and Henry perplexed.
Which led me to wonder: What exactly are the science channels showing these days?
Here’s what you’ll find on The Science Channel today, according to its program guide:
Countless half-hours of How It’s Made. And Curiosity: Alien Invasion: Are We Ready? Here’s the program description:
Aliens attacking Earth — it’s the stuff of sci-fi stories, but what if it really happened? Host Michelle Rodriguez (Avatar, Battle: LA) brings together top scientists and military strategists to dramatize what would happen if and when aliens attack.
You’ll also find countless hours of Survivorman. This is the kind of science you’ll encounter there: “‘Survivorman’ Les Stroud is stranded and left to survive in the jungles of Papua New Guinea.” Or “Stranded on northern Baffin Island, ‘Survivorman’ Les Stroud learns harsh lessons in solo arctic survival in 24hour daylight.” It might not sound harsh, but some of the promos, shown during How It’s Made, are brutal. The Science Channel also shows countless episodes of How Do They Do It, and Factory Made, both of which, like How It’s Made, are about production engineering, not science. In today’s 24-hour schedule, the science consists of one episode of Morgan Freeman’s Through the Wormhole, and a few episodes of Mammals vs. Dinos, and Monster Bug Wars, which are all respectable. But they are only interruptions in a schedule blanketed with shows that have little to do with science.
What about the Discovery Channel?
Today’s program guide shows multiple episodes of Dual Survival, in which “Dave” and “Cody” battle for survival. The description of one show reads, “With few supplies, they each demonstrate how to make use of an unlikely resource–urine.” Another says, “To demonstrate how to survive an extreme injury, Dave self-inflicts a laceration and uses black powder to cauterize the wound.” Cool! But not science–or discovery. Other shows include Did the Mob Kill JFK? and Ten Commandments of the Mafia, American Chopper, Cash Cab (“Unsuspecting New York City taxi passengers hail a cab and suddenly find themselves on a TV game show”) Auction Kings, and Dirty Money. I couldn’t find a science show–or one about discovery. Except, of course, the taxi passengers who discover they are on a game show.
And from the National Geographic Channel‘s program guide?
Here we find Border Wars: Checkpoint Texas, Hard Time: The Convict Cycle, Alaska State Troopers: Anchorage Undercover, and Taboo: Strange Love, including an episode in which”a man in the United States falls in love with a sex doll.” For good measure, you’ll also find wrestling. Somewhere in there I think I saw a couple of space shows.
If you’re looking for science on television, don’t waste your time on The Science Channel, the Discovery Channel, or the National Geographic Channel. If you want to know what’s inside a bowling ball, go for The Science Channel. For sex dolls, urine, and self-inflicted wounds, see the others.
– Paul Raeburn
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